After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize