I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize