You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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