yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is the high leading the old right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
