My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
