hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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