D3 body, D1 cock
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
