Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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