I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize