using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think your dad took our porno
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
