do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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