he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
