she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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