Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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