Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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