Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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