I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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