I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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