Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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