He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I smell stomach acid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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