I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
