i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
