I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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