you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize