booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
