I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
