I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
