She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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