Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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