I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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