WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Someone signed my nipple.
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