Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That accounts for only three of the penises
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
