It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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