Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
