she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
