I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
