And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
