Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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