Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
