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i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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