i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
