he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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