there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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