id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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