you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
