I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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