and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
