They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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