Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
