Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
