Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
