I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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