Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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