My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
