Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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