i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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