How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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