mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
