i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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