My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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