there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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