Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
