Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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