pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize