I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Girls should come with a carfax report
then he tried to convert me to islam
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
