Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
