I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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