I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
