Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
