I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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