New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
