Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
