You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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