i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
