I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize