I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
