So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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