We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
