I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
