don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
