I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
