btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
