I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
