she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize