don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
