so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
