i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
