try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
