I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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