So drunk its hurt
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize