sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
