Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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