how can u be prego again
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
