It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
