I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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